Cat Jokes Compilation

Some of you might find cat jokes quite amusing as you can relate to it with your own experiences with cats, especially cat owners. Most jokes are based on a cat's behavior, making it more fun and exciting for its readers or recipients. Another great thing about cat jokes is that it could help you improve your current relationship with cats. It expands your understanding about certain behaviors of cats. Some jokes teach you about important current events such as animal/cat cruelty and mistreatment.

Bottom-line, cat jokes mostly cover all aspects of topics it relates to. By gaining this knowledge about your pet, you can certainly determine the do's and don'ts and find a considerable and substantial way to increase the bond between you and your pet. It could also help you determine what type of cat accessories and certain cat equipment you should get that fits your cat's lifestyle.

These are just some of the benefits you'd get by investing a few amount of your time reading through short funny lines. In addition, it could greatly vibe-up the mood of your day. That is why we have compiled a long list of cat related jokes to smooth up your atmosphere and to help you understand more about your cats.

An Amusing List of Cat Jokes

Q: There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

A: None, because they were copycats! Hell yeah I'm a catholic I’ve been addicted to cats my whole life

Q: How do you know when your cat's done cleaning herself?

A: She's smoking a cigarette.

Q: When is a lion not a lion?

A: When he turns into his cage!

Q: What do you call a flying cat?

A: I'm-paws-sible.

Q: What do you call a lion that has eaten your mother's sister?

A: An aunt-eater!

Q: Why was the cat sitting on the computer?

A: To keep an eye on the mouse!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?

A: A stripy sweater!

Q: What did the alien say to the cat?

A: Take me to your litter.

Q: What is smarter than a talking cat?

A: A spelling bee!

Q: What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?

A: The purrpatrator.

Q: How do you get a wet pussy?

A: Put it in the shower.

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?

A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

Q: Why did the cat wear a dress?

A: She was feline fine.

Q: How are tigers like sergeants in the army?

A: They both wear stripes!

Q: What do you get if you cross a chick with an alley cat?

A: A peeping tom.

Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog?

A: A terrified postman!

Q: What is a cat's favourite color?

A: Purrrple!

Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money?

A: I'm paw!

Q: What do you call a pile of kittens?

A: a meowntain

Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?

A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!

Q: Why is the desert lion everyone's favourite at Christmas?

A: Because he has sandy claws!

Q: What do you get when you take a Kitty Kat to the tailor?

A: Bad Blood.

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?

A: A stripy sweater!

Q: Did you hear about the cat that swallowed a ball of yarn?

A: She had a litter of mittens.

Q: What looks like half a cat?

A: The other half!

Q: Do you want to hear a bad cat joke?

A: Just kitten.

Q: What is a lion's favourite food?

A: Baked beings!

Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

A: He felt funny!

Q: Why don't cats like online shopping?

A: They prefer a cat-alogue.

Q: Who are cats going to vote for in November?

A: Hillary Kitten.

Q: Why was the cat scared of the tree?

A: Because of its bark.

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?

A: Frostbite!

Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?

A: A stri-ped!

Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?

A: 'Claws.'

Q: Why shouldn't you kidnap the kitten, Keanu?

A: Because curiosity killed the cat burglar.

Q: What do cats like to read?

A: Cat-alogues!

Q: What do you call a cat that just ate a duck?

A: a duck-filled platy puss.

Q: What's striped and bouncy?

A: A tiger on a pogo stick!

Q: What do tigers wear in bed?

A: Stripy pyjamas!

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

A: Kitty Perry!

Q: What do you call a cat race?

A: A meowathon.

Q: How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?

A: Smack a lion!

Q: What do you call a cat in a station wagon?

A: A car-pet!

Q: Did you hear about the passenger who had to be escorted off the airplane?

A: She let the cat out of the bag.

Q: Did you hear about the cat that thought she was a dog?

A: She was purr-plexed.

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas?

A: Santa Claws!

Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross?

A: Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

Q: What is a cat’s favorite vegetable?

A: As-purr-agus.

Q: Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge?

A: Because it turns "ice" into "mice"!

Q: What is the most breathless thing on television?

A: The Pink Panter Show!

Q: What did the cat say when he lost his toys?

A: You got to be kitten me.

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo?

A: A stripy jumper!

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?

A: A sourpuss!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?

A: Frostbite!

Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?

A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!

Q: What's the difference between a cat and a frog?

A: A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!

Q: What do you call a cat that smells good?

A: prrrr-fume.

Q: What kind of car does a fat cat drive?

A: a Catillac!

Q: What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?

A: A catastrophe!

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree?

A: A cat-a-logue!

Q: What is a French cat's favourite pudding?

A: Chocolate mousse!

Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head?

A: A tiger moth!

Q: What kind of sports car does a cat drive?

A: A Furrari.

Q: When the cat's away.....?

A: The house smells better!

Q: Why are cats so good at video games?

A: Because they have nine lives!

Q: What did the cat say to the dog?

A: Check meow-t!

Q: Why was the cat so small?

A: Because it only ate condensed milk!

Q: Did you know that cats designed the great pyramids of Giza?

A: It was all drawn out on paw-pyrus.

Q: What's a cat's favourite button on the tv remote?

A: Paws!

Q: What do cats like to eat on sunny days?

A: Mice cream cones!

Q: What do you call a cat that wears make up?

A: Glamourpuss.

Q: Why did the cat get pulled over by the police?

A: Because it "littered"

Q: Did you hear about the cat who wanted to learn how to bark?

A: Curiousity killed the cat.

Q: What is a cat’s favourite kitchen tool?

A: The "whisker".

Q: What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?

A: An eskimew!

Q: Why did the cat go to the river?

A: Claws it wanted to.

Q: What do you call a cat that can put together furniture from Ikea?

A: an Assembly kit.

Q: What's the first thing you say to a cat?

A: HELLO KITTY!

Q: What is a cat’s favourite book?

A: The prince and the paw-purr.

Q: How do the Vietnamese like their soup?

A: Purrrrrfect.

Q: What is the cat's favourite TV show?

A: The evening mews!

Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?

A: 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

Q: What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants?

A: Purrr-suasive.

Q: What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?

A: An octopuss!

Q: What time is it when ten cats chase a mouse?

A: Ten After One.

Q: What is a cat's favourite dance move?

A: The Purr-colator.

Q: What do you call a painting of a cat?

A: A paw-trait

Q: What's grumpy cat's favourite ride at Dreamworld in Australia?

A: The Paw!

Q: What was the special offer at the pet store this week?

A: Buy 1 Cat get 1 Flea!

Q: How do you make cats furry?

A: The spin cycle.

Q: Why did the cat cross the road?

A: It was the chicken's day off!

Q: What do you call a cat that can rough the great outdoors?

A: A survival kit.

Q: What do you call a cat when it is huge?

A: A MEOW-SIVE CAT

Q: Did you hear about the cat that swallowed a ball of wool?

A: She had mittens.

Q: Did you hear about the cat that climbed the Himilayas?

A: She was a sher-paw.

Q: Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?

A: He set a new lap record.

Q: What does a cat like to eat on a hot day?

A: A mice cream cone.

Q: How do cats end a fight?

A: They hiss and make up.

Q: How many cats can you put into an empty box?

A: Only one. After that, the box isn’t empty.

Q: What do you feed an invisible cat?

A: Evaporated milk.

Q: How is cat food sold?

A: Usually purr can!

Q: What does a cat say when somebody steps on its tail?

A: Me-ow!

Q: What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice?

A: Don't you have a cat?

Q: Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?

A: For kitty littering.

Q: What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

A: Hailing taxi cabs!

Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?

A: Sandy Claws!

Q: Who was the most powerful cat in China?

A: Chairman Miaow!

Q: What is a cat’s favourite musical instrument?

A: Purr-cussion.

Q: What do cats like to eat for breakfast?

A: Mice Krispies.

Q: Why did the cat run from the tree?

A: Because it was afraid of the bark!

Q: What is a cat's favourite song?

A: Three Blind Mice.

Q: What is a cat's favourite colour?

A: Purrrrrrrple!

Q: What do you call a cat that doesn't use the litter box?

A: A pet project.

Q: If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?

A: Their paws.

Q: Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists?

A: Because they finally opened their eyes.

Q: What do cats wear at night?

A: paw-jamas!

Q: How did a cat take first prize at the bird show?

A: He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.

Q: What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat?

A: Hiss and Tell.

Q: Why are cats better than babies?

A: Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.

Q: What do you call Long John Silver when he has a cat on his shoulder?

A: A purr-ate!

Q: What do you call a cat that can address the media?

A: a Press Kit.

Q: What does a cat do when it gets mad?

A: It has a hissy fit.

Q: What happened when the cat went to the flea circus?

A: He stole the whole show!

Q: If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window?

A: Because the window is closed.

Q: What is a cat's favourite movie?

A: "The Sound of Mewsic."

Q: What do cats use to make coffee?

A: A purrcolator.

Q: What do you call a cat that does tricks?

A: A magic kit.

Q: What do you need to get a fast cat to use the litter box?

A: Quicksand.

Q: Where does a cat go when he loses his tail?

A: The retail store!

Q: What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?

A: 'Let us prey.'

Q: What do you call a cat on ice?

A: One cool cat. Cat: "You're not real!" Nyan Cat: "At least I have a sparkly rainbow butt."

Q: What is a cat's favourite subject in school?

A: HISStory.

Q: What do you call newborn kittens that keep getting passed from owner to owner?

A: Chain litter.

Q: What is the cat's favourite magazine?

A: Good Mousekeeping.

Q: Why is the cat so grouchy?

A: Because he’s in a bad mewd.

Q: What do you call a cat that can't stop licking itself?

A: Purrr-verted.

Q: Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look?

A: Because you stop looking after you find it.

Q: Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle?

A: Too many cheetahs.

Q: What is a cat’s way of keeping law & order?

A: Claw Enforcement.

Q: What is a cat's favourite car?

A: The Catillac.

Q: Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can’t?

A: Your lap.

Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.

Q: What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?

A: A duck filled fatty puss.

Q: If there are ten cats on a boat and one jump off, how many cats are left on the boat?

A: None! They were copy cats.

Q: Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?

A: The retail store.

Q: Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide?

A: Because he's always spotted.

Q: Why did the cat put oil on the mouse?

A: Because it squeaked.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat?

A: A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.

Q: How does the cat get its own way?

A: With friendly purrsuasion.

Q: Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you?

A: That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse.

Q: What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?"

A: It's raining cats and dogs.

Q: Why are cats such good singers?

A: Because they're very mewsical.

Q: What side of the cat has the most fur?

A: The OUT-side.

Q: What kind of cat will keep your grass short?

A: A Lawn Meower.

Q: Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats?

A: Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.

Q: What do you use to comb a cat?

A: A catacomb.

Bonus Jokes

When a Black Hole Crosses Your Path

Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does. - anonymous

Reid Faylor on Halloween

I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won’t come when I call him. - Reid Faylor

Game Respect Game

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”

Cats Are Smarter

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Cat Appetites

They make cat food out of cow, fish, turkey, chicken & lamb meat—but not mouse meat, which is probably all cats want. - JohnFugelsang

What Cats Want

Me and the wife [singer Katy Perry] have three cats, and they get whatever they want. We can only know what they want from what we speculate, so it’s a lot of vests, hats, and cat shoes. - Russell Brand

The Clothes Make The Cat

I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won’t come when I call him. - Comedian Reid Faylor

110 Cat Quotes and Ideals

Some of us may find ourselves frustrated or stressed out and for most cat owners and lovers, a simple cat quote can change the mood of the day. Reading through different context about cats can help us have a peaceful mind or a thing to think about. It could also motivate us to improve ourselves or to treat our pets better. This is why reading through large compilation of cat quotes can instantly change the mood of the day.

The effects of having a cat could bring about serenity in our environment. For some reason, cat quotes bring about the same kind of effect. It could lighten up the mood, make you smile and even wonder about different inspirations brought about by cat. These are simple things that provide logical and behavioral improvement to us. Some of it might teach you things about cats and relate them to the treatment they deserve and the things they need such as cat scratchers and more. This will also guide you if it is necessary for you to provide your cats with equipment such as cat cage. So we have decided to bring you the top and the best cat quotes you can read and be inspired.

Cats in terms of needs and behavior are far different from other pets. You would slowly understand more about them as you read through the context below:

Cat Quotes for Cat Lovers

1. Albert Schweitzer

“There are two means of refuge from the misery of life — music and cats.”

2. Christopher Hitchens

“Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.”

3. George Carlin

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.”

4. James Herriot

“Cats are connoisseurs of comfort.”

5. Mark Twain

“If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.”

6. Charles Dickens

“What greater gift than the love of a cat.”

7. Ernest Hemingway

“A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.”

8. Neil Gaiman

“I would like to see anyone, prophet, king or God, convince a thousand cats to do the same thing at the same time.”

9. Erin Hunter

“You cannot live with a paw in each world.”

10. Neil Gaiman

“Anyone who believes what a cat tells him deserves all he gets.”

11. Mark Twain

“Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.”

12. Robert A. Heinlein

“Never try to outstubborn a cat.”

13. Leonardo da Vinci

“The smallest feline is a masterpiece.”

14. Lewis Carroll

“And how do you know that you're mad? "To begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. You grant that?" I suppose so, said Alice. "Well then," the Cat went on, "you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.”

15. Jean Cocteau

“I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.”

16. Colette

“Time spent with a cat is never wasted.”

17. Mark Twain

“A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was gitting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful.”

18. Robert A. Heinlein

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

19. Terry Pratchett

“If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.”

20. Eckhart Tolle

“I have lived with several Zen masters -- all of them cats.”

21. Laini Taylor

“Yearning for love made her feel like a cat that was always twining around ankles, meowing Pet me, pet me, look at me, love me.”

22. Robertson Davies

“Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons.”

23. Peter S. Beagle

“I am what I am. I would tell you what you want to know if I could, for you have been kind to me. But I am a cat, and no cat anywhere ever gave anyone a straight answer.”

24. Elizabeth Peters

“The way to get on with a cat is to treat it as an equal - or even better, as the superior it knows itself to be.”

25. William S. Burroughs

“You know a real friend? Someone you know will look after your cat after you are gone.”

26. Colette

“There are no ordinary cats.”

27. Mark Twain

“Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.”

28. Pam Brown

“Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience.”

29. Terry Pratchett

“I DON'T HOLD WITH CRUELTY TO CATS.”

30. Hippolyte Taine

“I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.”

31. P.C. Cast

“My cat is not insane. She's just a really good actress.”

32. Jules Verne

“I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through.”

33. L.M. Montgomery

“I love them. They are so nice and selfish. Dogs are TOO good and unselfish. They make me feel uncomfortable. But cats are gloriously human.”

34. Lilian Jackson Braun

“Dogs have their day but cats have 365.”

35. Orhan Pamuk

“After all, a woman who doesn't love cats is never going to make a man happy.”

36. Charles Bukowski

“When I am feeling low all i have to do is watch my cats and my courage returns”

37. Jodi Picoult

“On the other hand, I think cats have Asperger's. Like me, they're very smart. And like me, sometimes they simply need to be left alone.”

38. Rudyard Kipling

“I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.”

39. Ray Bradbury

“That's the great secret of creativity. You treat ideas like cats: you make them follow you.”

40. Seanan McGuire

“I’m a cat. We aren’t required to make sense.”

41. Abraham Lincoln

“No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.”

42. Ally Carter

“‘Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken?”

43. Connie Willis

“Cats, as you know, are quite impervious to threats.”

44. Robert Byrne

“To err is human, to purr is feline.”

45. Paula Poundstone

“The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer.”

46. Gail Carriger

“Cats were not, in her experience, an animal with much soul. Prosaic, practical little creatures as a general rule. It would suit her very well to be thought catlike.”

47. Erin Hunter

“You put quite a fight for a tame kitty”

48. Cleveland Amory

“As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.”

49. Henry David Thoreau

“What sort of philosophers are we, who know absolutely nothing of the origin and destiny of cats?”

50. Seanan McGuire

“When Rome burned, the emperor's cats still expected to be fed on time.”

51. Mark Twain

“While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.”

52 Peter Kreeft

“Cats don't need to be possessed; they're evil on their own.”

53. William S. Burroughs

“A cat's rage is beautiful, burning with pure cat flame, all its hair standing up and crackling blue sparks, eyes blazing and sputtering.”

54. Mary Bly

“Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”

55. Andrew Vachss

“Cats are the lap-dancers of the animal world. Soon as you stop shelling out, they move on, find another lap. They're furry little sociopaths. Pretty and slick -- in love with themselves. When's the last time you saw a seeing-eye cat?”

56. James Mackintosh Qwilleran

“Cats are cats . . . the world over! These intelligent, peace-loving, four-footed friends- who are without prejudice, without hate, without greed, may someday teach us something."

57. Rachel Hartman

“I was drawn to his aloofness, the way cats gravitate toward people who’d rather avoid them.”

58. Kobayashi Issa

“Arise from sleep, old cat, and with great yawns and stretchings... Amble out for love”

59. Terry Pratchett

“Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.”

60. Charles Bukowski

“I think that the world should be full of cats and full of rain, that's all, just cats and rain, rain and cats, very nice, good night.”

61. William S. Burroughs

“Like all pure creatures, cats are practical.”

62. Yoruichi

“Cats can’t speak, that's common sense."

63. Susanna Clarke

“For, though the room was silent, the silence of half a hundred cats is a peculiar thing, like fifty individual silences all piled one on top of another.”

64. C.S. Lewis

“Once when I had remarked on the affection quite often found between cat and dog, my friend replied, "Yes. But I bet no dog would ever confess it to the other dogs.”

65. Terry Pratchett

“Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity.”

66. Terry Pratchett

“Witches were a bit like cats. They didn’t much like one another’s company, but they did like to know where all the other witches were, just in case they needed them.”

67. Robin McKinley

“Cats were often familiars to workers of magic because to anyone used to wrestling with self-willed, wayward, devious magic--which was what all magic was--it was rather soothing to have all the same qualities wrapped up in a small, furry, generally attractive bundle that...might, if it were in a good mood, sit on your knee and purr. Magic never sat on anybody's knee and purred.”

68. Louise Rennison

“And the kittykats would have to erect scaffolding and a pulley to get him down. Mind you, I wouldn't put that past them. Sometimes when they are behind the sofa supposedly purring, I think they are drilling.”

69. Suzanne Collins

“Entrails. No hissing. This is the closest we will ever come to love.”

70. Seanan McGuire

“Cats never listen. They’re dependable that way; when Rome burned, the emperor’s cats still expected to be fed on time.”

71. Thomas Harris

“You know how cats do. They hide to die. Dogs come home.”

72. Ernest Hemingway

“One cat just leads to another."

73. Joanne Harris

“A black cat crossed my path, and I stopped to dance around it widdershins and to sing the rhyme, Ou va-ti mistigri? Passe sans faire de mai ici.”

74. Eugen Weber

“If cats could write history, their history would be mostly about cats.”

75. Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson

“We need cats to need us. It unnerves us that they do not. However, if they do not need us, they nonetheless seem to love us.”

76. Mark Twain

“If man could be crossed with a cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.”

77. Walter Scott

“Cats are a mysterious kind of folk.”

78. Gwendolyn Brooks

“One reason that cats are happier than people is that they have no newspapers.”

79. Dan Greenberg

“There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person.”

80. Keiko Nobumoto

“There was once a tiger-striped cat. This cat died a million deaths, and lived a million lives, and in those lives, various people owned him. None of those people he cared for. This cat was not afraid of death. One life, the cat became a stray cat, which meant it was free. And it met a white female cat. They became mates, and lived together. Time passed, the white cat passed away of old age. And the tiger- striped cat cried a million times. Eventually, the cat died again. But this time, it didn't come back to life.”

81. Eleanor Farjeon

“It always gives me a shiver when I see a cat seeing what I can't see.”

82. R.L. LaFevers

“I have found it is surprisingly difficult to remain sad when a cat is doing its level best to sandpaper one's cheeks.”

83. Amy Lowell

“A black cat among roses, phlox, lilac-misted under a quarter moon, the sweet smells of heliotrope and night-scented stock. The garden is very still. It is dazed with moonlight, contented with perfume...”

84. Hans Holzer

“There are several cats smoothly moving about, which helped me greatly to relax, for I have always felt that no house is wholly bad where there are cats, and conversely, where there are several cats, a house is bound to be wonderfully charming.”

85. John Steinbeck

“Are cats’ strange animals or do they so resemble us that we find them curious as we do monkeys?”

86. Roy Blount Jr.

“If a cat spoke, it would say things like 'Hey, I don’t see the problem here.”

87. Neil Gaiman

“The cat dropped the rat between its two front paws. "There are those," it said with a sigh, in tones as smooth as oiled silk, "who have suggested that the tendency of a cat to play with its prey is a merciful one - after all, it permits the occasional funny little running snack to escape, from time to time. How often does your dinner get to escape?”

88. Ray Bradbury

“And metaphors like cats behind your smile, each one wound up to purr, each one a pride, each one a fine gold beast you've hid inside”

89. Terry Pratchett

“Maurice watched them argue again. Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We know we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven.”

90. Jean Burden

“Prowling his own quiet backyard or asleep by the fire, he is still only a whisker away from the wilds.”

91. Anna Quindlen

“I have a cat, the pet that ranks just above a throw pillow in terms of required responsibility.”

92. Maureen Johnson

“Lecturing Brooks was as useful as lecturing a cat.”

93. William S. Burroughs

“The cat does not offer services. The cat offers itself. Of course he wants care and shelter. You don't buy love for nothing.”

94. Rod McKuen

“Cats have it all - admiration, an endless sleep, and company only when they want it.”

95. Ilona Andrews

“Cats randomly refuse to follow orders to prove they can.”

96. Muriel Spark

“If you want to concentrate deeply on some problem, and especially some piece of writing or paper-work, you should acquire a cat. Alone with the cat in the room where you work ... the cat will invariably get up on your desk and settle placidly under the desk lamp ... The cat will settle down and be serene, with a serenity that passes all understanding. And the tranquility of the cat will gradually come to affect you, sitting there at your desk, so that all the excitable qualities that impede your concentration compose themselves and give your mind back the self-command it has lost. You need not watch the cat all the time. Its presence alone is enough. The effect of a cat on your concentration is remarkable, very mysterious.”

97. Lloyd Alexander

“The only thing a cat worries about is what's happening right now. As we tell the kittens, you can only wash one paw at a time.”

98. Helen Brown

“Guilt isn't in cat vocabulary. They never suffer remorse for eating too much, sleeping too long or hogging the warmest cushion in the house. They welcome every pleasurable moment as it unravels and savour it to the full until a butterfly or falling leaf diverts their attention. They don't waste energy counting the number of calories they've consumed or the hours they've frittered away sunbathing.

99. Helen Brown

Cats don't beat themselves up about not working hard enough. They don't get up and go, they sit down and stay. For them, lethargy is an art form. From their vantage points on top of fences and window ledges, they see the treadmills of human obligations for what they are - a meaningless waste of nap time.”

100. Beverley Nichols

“Let us be honest: most of us rather like our cats to have a streak of wickedness. I should not feel quite easy in the company of any cat that walked around the house with a saintly expression.”

101. Elle Newmark

“I realized that cats make a perfect audience, they don't laugh at you, they never contradict you, there's no need to impress them, and they won't divulge your secrets.”

102. Pam Brown

“Human beings are drawn to cats because they are all we are not — self-contained, elegant in everything they do, relaxed, assured, glad of company, yet still possessing secret lives.”

103. Catherynne M. Valente

“Because I’m a cat. A big one, the Panther of Rough Storms, in fact. But still a cat. If there’s a saucer of milk to spill, I’d rather spill it than let it lie. If my mistress grows absent-minded and leaves a ball of yarn about, I’ll bat it between my paws, and unravel it. Because it’s fun. Because it’s what cats do best.”

104. Denise Flaim

“I hated cats. I was a dog lover," Des says with a shrug. "What's the point of a cat? They're not affectionate. But that's because it's not my cat. I mean, your wife wouldn't jump on my lap. That's because she's your wife, not mine. Until you have your own cat, you really don't understand.”

105. William Lyon Phelps

“The amazing activity of the cat is delicately balanced by his capacity for relaxation. Every household should contain a cat, not only for decorative and domestic values, but because the cat in quiescence is medicinal to irritable, tense, tortured men and women.”

106. Joseph Méry

“God made the cat to give man the pleasure of stroking a tiger.”

107. Robert A. Heinlein

“I woke up in bed with a man and a cat. The man was a stranger; the cat was not”

108. Bruce Fogle

“It is a curious truth that many cats enjoy warmer, more convivial, even affectionate relationships with humans than they could ever do with fellow felines.”

109. Kij Johnson

“Cats have a sort of game they play when they meet. A player alternates between watching the strange cat and ignoring her, grooming or examining everything around herself - a dead leaf, a cloud - with complete absorption. It is almost accidental how the two cats approach, a sidelong step and then the sitting again. This often ends in a flurry of spitting and slashing claws, too fast to see clearly, and then one or the other (or both) of the cats leap out of range. The game can have one exchange or many - and is not so different from the first meetings of women.”

110. Charles Bukowski

“Cats tell me without effort all that there is to know.”